1) The HubSpot management team is comprised of savvy entrepreneurs and industry experts, bringing years of experience to a young company. They cultivate our strong culture and work tirelessly to help our team scale, grow, and succeed.
It’s composed of, not comprised of. Never comprised of. Plus, a “team” is a collective noun, a singular noun, and so a team is an it, not a “they.”
2) When our prospect leaves our qualification call hesitant to make changes to their marketing and sales strategy, it’s usually because they can’t visualize how or who will implement the changes we’re suggesting.
“Our prospect” is a singular noun; “their” and “they” are plural pronouns. No can do, ye savvy entrepreneurs and industry experts….
3) Lastly, technology and data availability about prospects has improved drastically, giving salespeople the ability to connect with in-market prospects as if they were looking over 1,000s of their prospect’s shoulder all at once.
Wow, here’s some confusing writing! I’m not 100% sure what Hubspot means by “technology and data availability.” “Technology” must refer, somehow, to “availability” of the data about prospects, but the connection is lost on me. What I’m interested in is whether “technology” and “data availability” are one or two distinct things; if one, then the verb “has” is correct, but, if two things, then the verb should be “have.”
But then we have the pronoun confusion, with “they” and “their”—are “they” referring to “salespeople” or the “prospects”? Still, the real, for sure, problem is the phrase “1000s of their prospect’s shoulders.” Well, “prospect’s” is singular possessive, so we have thousands of prospects and all of them have shoulders. A better way to express a rather confusing concept would be “1000s of their prospects’ shoulders.” I’d suggest an across-the-board rewrite!
4) Pop open a document and start typing what you do now.
What in the world does this mean? That “what you do now” phrase is confusing, to say the least. “Pop” is not a verb I’d associate with either “opening” or “typing.” This is way too colloquial for formal writing. Maybe “Open a document and start typing!” would be better. Hard to say.
5) The more collaborative and iterative your ‘process creation’ process is, the better it will be.
Another mushy sentence. What’s a “‘process creation’ process”? Why were singular quotation marks (as opposed to the proper double quotation marks) used? Why would someone say that a “creation process” would be better for collaboration and repetition? Who knows?
6) Our chapter typically meets the second Saturday of August, September,October, November, January, March, May, and June for half day meetings in the Ft. Lauderdale/Broward County area Throughout the year, we hold additional events of value to speakers and to those who utilize professional speakers.
Need a space between September and October. Plus, half-day should be hyphenated. And where’s the period at the end of the first sentence?
7) The Speakers Academy is a special program for FSA members that want to take their careers to the next level.
Spare me trendy phrases like “to the next level.”
8) She took her learnings from some of the most influential people in the world during her legal career and in 2005, founded her Business and Executive Coaching Firm in Southwest Florida where the sun always shines.Heather’s clients will travel from around the world to come to Southwest Florida – whether it be a Strategic Executive Retreat or a personalized Executive Coaching Alignment Session.
Wow. She took her “learnings”? What the heck is a “learning”? Yuck. And “in 2005” is a parenthetical phrase and needs to be enclosed by commas. And what’s with all the capitalization? Does something or someone become more valued, more important, because the word is capitalized? No, not at all. All that happens is that the writer looks as though he or she doesn’t know that only proper nouns are capitalized. Words like member, visitor, firm, company, etc., are never capitalized as a stand-alone noun. No. So nearly all of Heather’s words, like business, executive, coaching, firm, strategic, retreat, alignment, and session, are incorrectly capitalized.
Plus, there’s no space between “shines” and “Heather.” Earth to Heather: Very bad writing all around.
9) No one wants to be “sold”.
Quotation marks in American English are always placed outside periods and commas.
10) You just can’t get to all of your work because you are constantly interrupted with other peoples’ challenges?
“Peoples’” here is plural possessive, which is incorrect. “People’s”—the singular possessive—is what you want. The plural possessive—referring to multiple “peoples,” as in tribes or races—would be used in a sentence like this: “The Native American peoples’ worst enemy was the white explorers’ disease.” Not surprisingly, the plural possessive of peoples is rarely used.
11) It can engage the hearts and minds of your team and cause them to buy into the direction, vision, and values of your organization.
“Team” is a collective noun, and, as such, is singular. A team is an it, not a “they.” If it sounds awkward to refer to a group of people as an it, then say something like “team members.”
12) As a formal international lobbyist, Heather will add her global experience on influence and share with you insights that are practical and easy to apply to everyday life.
Wow, Heather, are you a “formal” international lobbyist or are you a “former” international lobbyist? (Don’t you just love it when someone sets him- or herself up as some big, important muckety-muck to puff up his or her stature and, in doing so, makes a cringe-worthy mistake?)
13) Selecting the right provider to handle fair value issues-and interface with the audit team-is increasingly critical.
Are we talking about “fair-value issues” or “fair value-issues”? I don’t know. Plus, those are hyphens, not dashes, in the appositive phrase, and you’ve just got to have those dashes!
14) Think of whistling-or actually, playing the flute-instead of doing what’s expected.
Gee, these are hyphens, and what you need is a pair of dashes.
15) I’m an individual user of a Merriam-Webster product (Web site, book, etc.)
Time to update this creaky old site because the time of “Web site” has come and gone, if it ever was.
16) An electronic product not including a Merriam-Webster Web site: e.g. a mobile dictionary, a CD-ROM, or a download
Here we have that antiquated use of “Web site” again, but what really caught my eye was the colon plus the e.g. The colon is wrong; that should be a comma. Plus, there is always a comma after e.g. Always.
17) An entry – – e.g., a particular definition – – in one of our products
Yikes! Two hyphens do not a dash make.
18) On the day of your presentation, please check in at the Registration Desk, (lower level, Hotel Dixie) one half hour before your session is scheduled to begin.
That comma after “Desk” should be after the parenthetical information.
19) Please let us know in advanced if you require a flip chart and dry erase pens.
Here’s where a quick read-through before publishing can really make a difference. It’s advance, not advanced. Plus, I’d be very tempted to hyphenate “dry-erase.”
20) A few years ago I helped a non-profit group with their annual golf tournament fundraiser.
I’d make a case for a comma after “ago,” and nonprofit is one word.
21) When ticket sales are set-up this way there is a relative equitable value for each ticket based on the volume purchased.
Comma after “way” (it’s a dependent clause), and the verb “set up” is two words—no hyphen. The noun “setup” is one word.
21) There is a right way and wrong way to sell raffle tickets, if you want to maximize your sales.
I don’t like the lack of an article in front of “wrong way.” I’d put an “a” in front of “wrong way.” Plus, no comma after tickets. The rule is dependent clause + comma + conjunction + independent clause; independent clause + dependent clause.
Option 1: There is a right way and a wrong way to sell raffle tickets if you want to maximize your sales.
Option 2: If you want to maximize your sales, there is a right way and a wrong way to sell raffle tickets.
Do you see how that works?
22) Most of the community/non-profit groups I work with, like Rotary, The Chamber of Commerce and Toastmasters, frequently sell raffle tickets to raise money for their respective causes.
Again, “nonprofit” is one word, and why are those names italicized? That’s wrong!
24a) Chair – elect: Aledia Tush, CB’s Saltwater Outfitter’s
24b) Mixon Fruit Farm’s Inc.
There are several, rather rare, times when you create a plural with an apostrophe plus “s.” Neither of these is one of those times. In fact, this is so first grade that it’s embarrassing.
Okay, since you asked, the exceptions are plurals of single letters (P’s and Q’s) and numbers (1’s and 2’s) and the plural of an acronym with periods (Ph.D.’s). But I would suggest you avoid using the plural form of an acronym with periods simply because it looks like (because it is) the possessive of that acronym. Use no periods with the acronym (PhDs) when you have to create the plural form.
It’s pretty simple, really.
Recent Comments